Christmas Eve with the Gonzales.
As informal as it can be.
The women cooking a delicious meal.
But exceptionally the dinner is not served in the kitchen but on the big table in what could be considered their salon.
Who wants, joins and eats.
One or two though go to sleep.
Some eat later.
Nobody is dressed up.
There is nothing alcoholic.
But by gosh, they do have a good time together.
They don’t have much money and they don’t live in wealth but they are warm and caring for each other.
More and more Gumaro is the head of the family.
At 61 years of age he is the oldest now.
And highly respected.
The children are helping as much as they can.
Making the table, serving the food, cleaning the table.
And not one adult has to ask them.
At the end of the dinner there are presents.
Although it’s hard to earn money and not much comes in, the children all do get presents.
For some reason, the daughter of Christina called after her grandmother Lucretia, gets proportionally a lot of presents.
She gets actually pampered and why is this?
The other children though seem to know because not one is showing envy.
The dinner over and the presents unwrapped, they sit down comfortably and Norma prepares a whiskey soda for her father, for her uncle and for her brother.
And soon that makes the conversation lively.
Especially because Gumaro, when he is in the mood and Christmas and whiskey helps in that matter, starts talking: he is a great story teller.
Stories from his childhood: how his mother secretly dressed up as the devil to scare her children out in the field not to play in a laguna for fear of drowning.
The story has been told on different occasions but still tears come from Gumaro’s eyes as it makes him still laugh from his heart.
And everybody around him laugh with him: not so much for the story anymore but for seeing Gumaro so happy again.
This is Christmas in optima forma.
People together in peace and harmony: happy and content with each other.
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Life is now with many people.
Quite to the contrary compared with last Summer when in retreat at the deserted Pacific coast in Mexico.
Surrounded by seven persons Christmas is spend in the house of cousin Jerzek in Nowy Sacz in Poland.
And this is a happy event.
Everybody is experienced to be together and share life.
Some things are communal, like breakfast and dinner.
Besides those gatherings, it goes as it likes to go.
Sometimes two persons are watching a film of Ingmar Bergman on their computer.
Sometimes two persons go for a walk in the rain being close together under an umbrella.
Sometimes someone disappears to have a nap.
One reason all this goes so harmoniously is the fact that it is a family together.
There is an acceptance of each other without being judgmental.
Each person can be what that person is.
It doesn't matter what is the profession or the income, the political or religious preferences, the feeling of togetherness and closeness overrules everything.
Christmas is triggering this harmonious social event.
While this religious celebration is almost completely ignored.
Surely there is a Christmas tree in the house.
And Christmas decoration.
But not one of the family goes to church for Christmas Mass.
No prayers at the Christmas dinner table.
In fact, it is totally disconnected from the original meaning of Christmas.
The celebration of the birth of Jesus by Christian people.
That reason is lost or ignored.
Christmas has become something else.
And it is.
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B: Good morning, Michel
M: Hi Beatrice !
B: Christmas is coming and isn’t this a wonderful time?
M: I hate Christmas.
B: Why would you hate Christmas? It is a time of peace and happiness and loving and gifts.
M: Something happened in my childhood with Christmas that made me hate it even until today.
B: Wow! That’s pretty heavy. What happened?
M: It occurred when I was 6 years old. At that time the family was still together. Christmas was celebrated with a big Christmas tree and decorations all over the house. On Christmas morning the four children could go in the large dining room where was a table divided in four sections. For each child there were presents and sweets and everybody was happy.
B: Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas.
M: At the time each pupil from Primary school would get a report on the results over the last four months. Marks for the different disciplines. Going from 0 to 10. 10 being the best. When 6 years old the Christmas school report was the first one in my life.
B: That must have been so exciting!
M: Yes, it was. I went home full of excitement and pride of having my first report.
B: How were your results?
M: Very good. For all disciplines the marks were 7 and 8. Except for mathematics. That was a 5.
B: Meaning medium?
M: Yes, not bad and not good.
B: So, a report to be satisfied about.
M: That is not what my father thought. Proudly I gave him my report in the corridor of the house immediately after returning from school. Full of joy and excitement. He looked at the report, saw this 5 for mathematics and got tremendously angry. He started shouting and screaming and grabbed me. Lay me over his knee and gave me a severe spanking.
B: What a strange reaction he had.
M: That was not all though. He screamed that for Christmas I was not going to have any present. Because of the 5 for mathematics.
B: Isn’t that out of proportion?
M: Two days later was Christmas. In the morning we four children were all excited and waiting in our playroom to be allowed into the dining room to get our presents. The big moment came and we walked into the room. There was the large table. Divided in four sections. Three sections full of presents and sweets. And one section completely empty.
B: But that is awful!
M: I was just standing there seeing my brother and two sisters happily unpacking their presents.
B: That was sadistic of your parents.
M: As of that day I hate Christmas.
B: I can understand that. I also would hate Christmas after such an experience.
M: My father was a traumatized person because of his cruel and horrible experiences during the Second World War. Frequently he had excessive and erratic behaviour.
B: That must have been difficult to be the son of such a Dad.
M: For all my life I have escaped and avoided Christmas. Even to hear Christmas songs makes me feel bad. I switch off the radio or TV immediately. From shops I stay away during December.
B: But Christmas is everywhere.
M: This explains why for years I have spent December alone at the deserted Pacific coast of Mexico focusing on my photographic work.
B: Your photography as an antidote.
M: Exactly.
B: I have another antidote for you. Come into my arms and I will hug your Christmas-misery away.
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