Friday, November 24, 2006

Fear for the empty which is full

Michel Szulc Krzyzanowski has now arrived at the South tip of the peninsula called Baja California in Mexico. A location called Punta Boca del Salado. Next to the Sea of Cortez he is living with his friends, the Gonzales family. He is sandwiched between one of the most beautiful seas in the world and a traditional Mexican cattle farm. He lives now in a motorhome which is equipped with a solar powered internet connection transmitting by satellite. This is a rather idyllic place. Peaceful. Relaxed. Surrounded by long time friends and in wonderful warm weather. It is the ideal place to contemplate, to focus, to centre, to meditate, to live healthy, to do sports, to do yoga, to work and to organise.
But right now he has one worry and one issue.
Because it might be boring to report about how happy and ideal life is at Punta Boca del Salado, the worry and the issue request to be presented in this blog.

The issue is that Michel Szulc Krzyzanowski is very surprised to notice recently that after waking up in the morning, he has a strong memory of dreams. He hardly dreams ever. Or, he hardly ever remembers his dreams. But recently, already twice, he wakes up and is knocked off his feet by the dreams he had. Dreams which are deep. Intense. Realistic. Emotional. Strong. Surprising. Disturbing. Wonderful. He knows, because he read a book on psychology a long time ago, that dreams are the voice of the subconscious. What does not find a way out during the day in the conscious, comes out as dreams in the night. And he knows that a dream is about either a fear or a desire. Now he learns that an issue turns out to be living deep in his consciousness, or in his heart, he was not aware of that it was that serious.
The dreams are always about his Princess currently in India. That surprises him enormously. She had impressed Michel Szulc Krzyzanowski already enormously. But until the dreams, he was not aware she had made such a deep impact on him. He is forced to think now that he is serious about what he feels about her. Concluding that the dreams are not about desire but about fear. Fear to be vulnerable due to the delicate feelings he turns out to have for her. Or are they about desire and not fear ? Desire to be with her and share life and work ? Now he wonders if he has to have a dialogue with himself, like Stan Laurer and Oliver Hardy, saying: "That is a nice mess you got me into !".
Major issue therefor.

The worry.
Lately, as of yesterday, Michel Szulc Krzyzanowski worries that this blog has arrived in a dead end street. Until recently he found ammunition everyday to shoot another message into blog's territory. Because he travels all the time, and because probably of his kharma, amazing things happen every day offering generously the subjects to write about. But now he has arrived in a place where he will stay for the coming weeks. Just a beach, the sea and a Mexican family out in nowhere. He expects no exciting things to happen like he has experienced over the last weeks. He worries what he could be writing about. Explaining in detail how nothing happened ? How to be ironic, his favored approach to the absurd thing called life, when the sun rises and goes down with, as the major event, the wind blowing ?
But now he realises, that this worry, he can handle. He could remember exciting events from the past and find excuses in the daily reality to write about them. Or he could make up exciting events happening with the cows and horses of the Gonzales farm. Use fiction as a weapon to continue to spell. Or focus on the trivial events happening here and by using language masterly turn them into world events. There are ways out of his worry, he realises, but what about those dreams ?
The issue of the dreams turns out to be a serious worry, while the worry of the blog is just a simple issue.

1 comment:

TiogaRV said...

Dear Michel,

Why judge how your readers may view what you write in your blog? You are living a fantastic life down there at Boca del Salado.

Tell about what you do during the day. About what you think about, what you see. The photos that you take, and why these photos look interesting to you? (Maybe?) Your relationships with the the Gonzales family.

Your life is what it is. And who would want more than that? Write about your life, and let the chips fall where they may, OK?

Your friend,