A louvered law

As of the 1st of March a new divorce law has been introduced in the Netherlands.

What makes this new law rather revolutionary is that it is made with first of all the children involved in mind.

It works like this:
a married couple with children wants to divorce.
They need to go to court to have their marriage officially and legally disbanded.
But they have to bring a plan they both agree upon.
The plan concerns the children.
They must describe in the plan how they are going to take care of the children after the divorce.
The judge will study the plan and decide if it is acceptable.
Based on legal standards developed to guarantee a child an upbringing both by a father and a mother.
The new law dictates that both parents must be equally involved in taking care of the children.

Now, when a couple with children proposes a plan saying for example that the children will go and spend one weekend a month with the father, the judge will not accept the plan and will not allow a divorce.
When the plan for example says that the father will take care of the bambinos 3 days a week and the mother 4 days a week, the judge will declare the marriage as legally ended.

The Dutch have made this law because too often Daddies run away after the relationship with the wife becomes dysfunctional.
And decide to forget about the horrible woman and the own children as well.
The man leaves and creates somewhere else a new life with possibly a new woman and often-new children.
This is easy.
Until now, the man had no other legal obligations but to pay alimony.

But there are also many stories of women who are so pissed off that the husband left, that they do anything to avoid that the father can see his children.

In both cases the children are the ones that suffer.

Hence this law.
It first of all defends the rights of the children.
A very good thing because if the law is not defending them, who will?
Mummy and Daddy both take lawyers and try to get the best deal out of the whole skirmish.
The kids used to be the sidekicks.

Of course this new law has been very controversial.
Imagine, fervent and loyal blog readers, when Peter and Rita want to divorce, they need to somehow come together to design and accept a detailed agreement about what they are going to do with their beautiful children.
Usually during the months when the divorce is in the air and landing, there are arguments, screaming, fighting, strong emotions, tears and flying saucers.
But the new law forces Peter and Rita to somehow calm down and think in a reasonable way about the future of their offspring.
And no matter how they imagine personally to be a Dad or a Mom for their kids, the law forces them to be there for them in a very specific way.
50-50.

To be forced by law to settle this matter while for the fighting adults their own interests seem to be vital, is in many cases a very frustrating experience.

But who cares?
The adults better suffer during this time so that the kids have many years to come with a fully functioning Dad and Mom in their lives.

A nice gimmick of the law is that people are also forced to stick precisely to their plan for the children.
Recently a woman was condemned because contrary to the agreement, being still mad at her former husband, she would not allow her kids to go and see their father during the weekends and all holidays as was agreed in the plan.
The father informed the authorities and the woman was condemned to 14 days of community service.
This means that in her private spare time she had to clean the rooms and corridors of a hospital.

Hopefully, one of the effects of this law will be a preventive one.
That couples understand it is no problem to marry.
Go ahead!
But that a couple should think more than twice before to decide to have children.

Maybe we need another law.
Putting a moratorium of 5 years on couples in case they want children.
Demonstrate during 5 years that you can live peacefully and harmoniously together, and get then your license for one child.
Many may say that this is limitation of freedom.
It is.
Of the adults.
But it would be for the benefit of the ones that will be our future.
A divorce is often devastating for a child and influences the rest of the life in a most negative way.
Therefore they deserve that a decision to have children is not made by accident.

The better the situation children are born in, the better our world will be in the years to come.





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