Existence is what you make of it

If a person who is in a relationship becomes physical violent towards the partner, a boundary is crossed.
It is a boundary that can be seen clearly because it is described in the civil law books of all countries in the world.
Physical violence is not accepted and tolerated and is punished.
That is the common way of thinking.
Described in the books of law.

But there is also another boundary that is crossed when committing physical violence.
To enter forbidden territory.
If two people are living together and one decides to become physical violent, the boundary is crossed from being in a loving and constructive way in a relationship to being in a not loving and destructive way in the relationship.

Of course, after the act of physical violence, the culprit usually realizes what terrible thing has been done.
And feels incredibly guilty.
For having broken the law.
And for having been destructive in the relationship fearing now that the partner will leave.

What can be observed is that the culprit enters a mode of denial.
Trying to make the performed violence look as a minor incident.
Minimizing the violence.
Offering explanations that serve to justify the agression.
Putting the responsibility for the violence on the other person.
Saying that the circumstances were forcing to be physical violent.
Denying to be an aggressive and violent person and telling it all happened by chance and not from within.

Denying responsibility for committed physical violence is preparing a new outburst soon.
That will be worse and more strong.
Denying keeps the aggression alive and potentially present and will be applied again when emotions get out of control.

When a person that performs physical violence in a relationship is closely observed one can see that there is in fact aggression, misbalance, dissatisfaction, opposition, irritation and obstruction in every aspect of the life of the culprit.
It is not that only on certain occasions a violent and aggressive person crosses boundaries.
The violent and aggressive person is constantly fighting with the whole of existence.
Even in the most little things.
A computer that is not immediately doing what it is instructed to do.
An administration that asks for documents to be filled in.
Technical developments we are confronted with.
Every of these and many other normal and daily things is for an aggressive and violent person a reason to be enraged, irritated, angry and disrupted.
Reason to shout and hysterically scream.
Reason to bang doors.
Reason to throw objects to the floor.

It is a sad life of being at war with existence.
While someone can also live in peace and in harmony with existence.
Because it is never existence itself that is good or bad.
Existence is what the person makes of it.
Making it a battlefield, including the relationship, what a violent and aggressive person does, is a dramatic and tragic life.
And no partner will eventually accept to share this kind of life.
Because he is drawn into the battle and will get wounded over and over again.
And he will see next to him existence being lived as a fight to feel the negative energy and vibrations that radiates from it.

In the end, violent and aggressive persons are alone.
Unable to have a loving, peaceful and harmonious relationship.
Until maybe one day they understand they should do something about it.
By getting help.
And help is not talking to a long time friend.
Who is too subjective and emotionally too involved.
Violent and aggressive persons need to find a psychologist or a psycho-therapist who is objective and neutral and who is specialized treating violent and aggressive persons.

The day a violent and aggressive person comes to understand something drastic should be done about it may never come.
Because it is very well realized that professional psychological treatment will involve an ultimate confrontation with the past.
And that is often assessed as more painful than being at war with existence.

But the partner that leaves the violent and aggressive person listens to the lyrics of this Madonna song:

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
Do you wanna go higher?

There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye.




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