Thursday, July 1, 2010

Professional help needed

When a man and a woman are living together it can be paradise.
They love each other, they care for each other, they support each other.
But rarely with couples it is peace all of the time.
Sometimes there are conflicts and arguments.

There is nothing wrong with this.
In fact, it can be even very healthy as it can make things more clear between the two lovers.
But this supposes that an openness remains and decency and respect.
The civilized attitude to always stay in the communication in a constructive and dignified way.

However, if one of the two has not evolved from attitudes children have, a healthy and prosperous relationship becomes hardly possible.

For example, when a couple has a disagreement and the way out is to have a conversation until a solution is found or new common ground, it will not help at all if during the discussion one is overwhelmed by emotions and runs away.
Stops all communication and leaves the other alone and with the burden to deal with someone that runs away.
To break off a conversation is not only disrespectful, it is counterproductive: it will not bring the couple closer together.
To the contrary: it makes a wound that is hard to heal.

There is another attitude that is most destructive for a relationship.
And this is when one of the two introduces physical violence.
If this happens, the very best one can do is to immediately stop the relationship.
And say goodbye forever to the culprit.
Because once physical violence is tolerated and accepted, it will happen again.
And each time it will be worse.
And then it hangs as a dark cloud above the relationship.
The violent one knows it is a tolerated option when angry.
And the receiver lives with the constant awareness that violence might take place again.
Awareness that can turn into fear.

But at the same time something happens when physical violence is tolerated.
The aggression obviously present in the violent person starts to be expressed in small actions in the daily life with the partner.
In words and deeds.
For example, when the violent person does not agree with something, the person can swing the door of a room as hard as possible so it closes with a bang waking up anybody in the house.
It is a demonstration of violence, disrespect and aggression that doesn't affect others directly, but it intimidates and it is deeply disturbing.
It is a childish behavior to bang doors when displeased but most of all it is another destructive, aggressive and intimidating act towards the partner.

One can learn to communicate if one has the discipline to remain within the communication.
But if someone has a violent personality, the relationship must stop and the violent person needs to find professional help.


1 comment:

raj said...

which one of you is the violent person??