Sunday, November 21, 2010

A tremendous victory

It was again like so many years ago.
Dumped in a boarding school to have to live and study there.
Basically locked up and forced into a strict daily discipline.
Having to lose identity and the only option offered to become a number in a large group.

The dream was principally not about being in boarding school again.
Although the buildings were there and the other students.
Even the white tunics that soon would be handed out and everyone was obliged to wear were present.

The dream was about one thing only: the strong feeling how to mastermind and execute the escape from this situation.

This was expressed to some fellows that looked sympathetic.
And one said that to run away was no problem.
He pointed to a nearby highway with a ramp from where it was no problem to hitchhike away.

But in the dream it continued to circle around the question how to get out of the situation without making a decision to actually do it.

These nights very clear and revealing dreams manifest themselves.
Open to interpretations to become educational and leading to better insight.

The current situation is in a way rather similar to the days of having been in boarding school.
Away from society, away from family and friends, away from the entertaining aspects of town.
And most importantly, a life ruled by discipline.
A strict schedule of what has to happen at what time.

So the dream suggests there is a straight line from the days spent in the boarding school to living at El Triple.
Suggesting that these El Triple-retreats are not more than an expression of a trauma never worked out properly.

Is that true?
Has there never been an escape from the boarding school?

At the time, to live and study in the boarding school was deeply hated.
The strict discipline, the intimidation, the violence, the physical abuse, the group culture, the smells, the absence of privacy, etc.
It was against all that was the core of the self.
But at the age of 14, there was not enough strength yet to decide to hitchhike away from the dreaded situation.
Where to go?
It was the parents that had decided that boarding school was what to have for the son so returning home was not an option.

Another strategy to get out was developed: to become very impossible and unmanageable for the responsible persons.
So that it would all become too much for them.
And indeed, after two years they requested to leave.
A decision that stalemated the parents.
This was felt like a tremendous victory.
Like a liberation and a return to the own life.

Rationally thinking back to those days, it can now be appreciated that a 14 year old boy managed to escape in that way from the situation that was experienced as horrible and destructive.

Having managed to escape from boarding school gives a feeling of pride.
A most positive feeling that drowns the negative memories of the boarding school days.
And allows to apply the undeniable positive things also experienced and learned during those two years.
Like living in retreat at El Triple with discipline.


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