Sunday, February 17, 2008

Find fine tunes

Mayumi Nakazaki. © Michel Szulc Krzyzanowski

The ex-wife, from Miyazaki, Japan, has a rather weird attitude towards her former husband.
When she was divorced, due to her continuing and more and more excessive becoming physical violence, she promised never in her life to speak to her husband anymore.

But she has softened.
The rule decided by this flower of Japan is that only twice a year contact is allowed.
Not by meeting in person but by e-mail or by phone.

The two annual occasions are the birthdays of the protagonists.
In April is the birthday of the husband who receives an e-mail with congratulations.
And in May, when it is the birthday of the wife, she allows to receive an e-mail or a phone call to accept congratulations.

Maybe for a person from Miyazaki, Japan, this is a normal way of doing.
But for a globetrotter appreciating warm and normal contacts with people, it is a very idiotic arrangement.
The divorce is now 7 years ago and it should be about time to normalize relationships.
To leave all the conflict behind and to act in a normal way with each other.

Obviously this is not possible as frustrations and anger, shame and feeling insulted, disappointment and who knows what more emotions are blocking having an important experience from the past not barricading current life anymore.

The question on the mind, as the birthdays are approaching rapidly, is whether to continue to go along with this strange arrangement.

In the past several times it has been tried to circumvent the imposed arrangement by contacting anyway when relevant and justified reasons were present.
But that was made every time into an action like sending a letter to Venus.

A solution is possibly to simply decide she can have her own destinations and have her parties there without the presence of the ex-husband in any way.
To make a new and own arrangement that will be receiving an annual birthday wish from her without anything else happening.
Not even responding politely or sending her a birthday wish.
Giving up completely the ambition to possibly normalize the relationship.
To have her as a vague memory only and not anymore as a limited current presence.

Another solution is to just not worry about it.
Who cares anyway?
Only oneself, but that is a choice.
Why not continue the dance in life avoiding hearing a bad rhythm?

The dance life is should always be on the own music.
Fine tune.



Anonymous said...

I believe that a person that got divorced because they were physically violent, might get upset if it was made public on their Ex-husbands blog, they might not even allow a phone call after such actions, even on their Birthday.I might be wrong, maybe she is so together that she welcomes public scrutiny. That would be an amazing woman, and she's very beautiful as well.

Anonymous said...

She still must mean alot to you for you to worry about such a thing. Do what your heart tells you to do. If there is a negative response, at least you know you did what you felt was right, and maybe she is just not worth the trouble.

Joe said...

I don't speak with my first wife at all but have a pleasant relationship with the second one. Let it go.

Anonymous said...

me thinks that such a beautiful young lady must have one or several regular boyfriends and no time to think of the past.