Borderline behaviour

One day she told a dramatic story.
She was in the South of Europe escaping from a situation in the North where she felt unhappy and failed.
In a town near the sea, one night she became very depressed and desperate.
Seeing no more future in her life she decided to drown herself.
She went to the sea and in the dark walked into the water.
Determined to go as deep as necessary in order to drown.

When she was deep enough to leave life, her instincts to survive and live again took over.
She managed to return to the beach.

This story was remembered when one night in the Fuso Szulc next to the Pacific Ocean a serious argument had ended.
She suddenly said: “Please tell my mother I am very sorry. And please tell her I loved her very much”.
Next she left the Fuso Szulc and walked towards the Pacific Ocean in a night with full moon.

First it was not considered as something serious.
Although it was understood she was intending to drown herself.
And after fifteen minutes she still had not returned.
The idea came into the head that possibly this time in the wilder Pacific Ocean her attempt had been fatally accomplished.

More and more it was believed likely she had maybe drowned.
To possibly rescue her it was decided to go and look for her.
From a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, beautiful in the light of the full moon, carefully the waves were checked for a person in the water.
And nobody could be seen.
It was realized then that very likely she was dead.
That her body would wash ashore and would be found somewhere on the sandy beach at daybreak.
This realization made clear that the own life, by her suicide, would be destroyed forever.
Never the beloved location could be visited anymore.
And what to do with the body?
How to inform the authorities?
What would the Mexican police do?
Would it not result in an arrest?
And how about returning to the Netherlands to face her mother and her father?
What to explain?

At that stage the whole existence collapsed.
Like getting to hear to have terminal cancer.
The life as of then not ever to have any value or quality anymore.

The search went on.
Down from the cliff to the beach to check if her body had washed ashore indeed.
But there was no trace of her.

Realizing nothing could be done, totally depressed and devastated the return was made to the Fuso Szulc.
At the moment to enter the expedition vehicle, suddenly she showed up.
Happy and normal.
She had been sitting in the dunes.
A fake suicide attempt.

For her nothing special had happened.
How it was experienced by her partner, she couldn’t care less.

These kinds of experiences from the last time in Mexico come back now as flashbacks.
As if the shock it was at that moment returns to be more digested.
These flashbacks, unwanted and detested, do not make life a very happy event.
In the Netherlands it is raining.


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