Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Doctors for the heart needed

Recently lunch was in Newport Beach south of Los Angeles on a terrace of an Italian restaurant with a good friend.
The sun was shining and the food was good.
What do two men talk about when in such heaven-like circumstances?
Eventually always about women.
Not about women as such but about the experiences with them.

As life has organized it, both men on that Newport Beach terrace had separated recently and therefore a lot was to share.

One thing that for both was clear is that it is better now.
That it is a difficult period in the life but that the direction it is going in is good and that better times are coming.
Concerning women and a possible relationship with one of them.

The good friend speeds up the process by seeing a psycho-therapist weekly and being subscribed to a dating agency.
Regularly he dates women whose profile he likes but until now a suitable candidate has not been found.
At the foundation of this activity is the strong desire to want to have a partner.
To wish to share life with a woman.
And the mysterious question is whether it is a good method to actually have a desire.
To have the ambition to want to be with a woman.
That this desire and ambition gets too much in the way of falling in love in a pure way without any strings attached.
Desire and ambition are personal interests and a partner is asked to fulfill them.
So, how much chance has that woman to be chosen because of who she is?
With a lot of desire and ambition a partner might be found that will suit the own needs only.
And is it that a relationship is about?

The psycho-therapist is an older woman and when the good friend tells her that he is still full of anger towards the ex-wife he has separated, she responds by saying that anger is in fact pain.
Anger is pain.
That is something to think about.
It suggests that if the pain is accepted for what it is, the anger will not be there.
But how to leave pain behind then?
How to dissolve it?

It is obvious that someone must first deal efficiently with pain that is a result of a separation before to get involved with a new partner.
To be without pain to have to offer a clean and healthy heart.

There must be experts among the many fervent and loyal blog readers who have ideas how to deal with pain after a separation.
What are they?



Bouwina said...

Just take time to mourn. And do things that make you happy.

Anonymous said...

Dag Michel,
soms is het zo simpel dat je er van schrikt, kan je niet geloven
dat zulk een Grieks Drama waar je, ongewild, het centrum van bent kan oplossen als een lepel honing in een kop vers gemaakte thee.
Kapot van de pijn ging ik toen mijn vriendin (de moeder van mijn dochters) me 10 jaar geleden verliet.
Een zeer nabije vriend zei: "Rob, je staat op een dag op en het is voorbij, niet de donkere wallen onder je ogen, niet het grauwe gelaat, maar de intense pijn.
Ik kon hem wel wurgen, kon niet geloven dat deze vriend - een man die ik respecteer - deze laffe onzin uit kon kramen, voelde als verraad.
Een paar maanden later, na nachten van malen, werd ik op een ochtend licht wakker.
Rustiger dan ik lang geweest was.
Start van een nieuw leven, hoewel ik dat op dat moment nog niet besefte, laat staan geloven.
De oplossing is Tijd, grootste cliché van de wereld. Stomweg, tijd.
Beste groet, Rob

Anonymous said...

crying cleanses the soul and time heals the pain

Jeff said...

Go fishing.

raj said...

do yoga!! solves all problems.

Dawn Pier said...

Loving kindness meditation directed at the self and the person who the anger is felt towards.
Forgiveness meditation.
Me-di-ta-tion...with pure intent and an open heart.