Saturday, October 30, 2010

Seeing somebody

When a thing happens in life, it is an event that stands by itself.
That very moment it is experienced unattached from a structure or a pattern where it may come from.

For example, if somebody is nasty to you, as much as you can, you deal effectively with the nastiness coming your way in that moment.
To neutralize it and to avoid becoming a victim of the nastiness.

But later when you are by yourself, you can use your time to reflect.
And when there were more incidents with that person, you will be able to group the remembered events.
To see them then in a context.
In a frame of time and with neutrality.
To maybe come to the conclusion that the person that was nasty, is actually often nasty and therefore is a nasty person.

This Spring three months were spend in Mexico with the Queen of Dreams.
A long time at the very location where life is now: at El Triple.
During that period at El Triple with the Queen of Dreams almost every day something unpleasant happened.
And each incident was so grotesque that all efforts were needed to deal with the problem that was made.
Because of the frequency and the intensity of the complications and confrontations, never was there time to create distance and see things in perspective to come to conclusions.

Now there has been a return to El Triple where this Spring the dramatic events took place.
Because it is peaceful and quiet now, many memories come back of the amazing behavior and attitude of the person that was invited to come.
And now these events that are memorized group themselves and in this way a personality and character becomes clear.
Independent events weave themselves into a recognizable pattern.

When in a mode of retrospection, the person behind all those destructive activities is as in a MRI scanning machine.
A clear picture emerges who that person really is.

This evaluation of a period in life with someone changes the position from, what Carlos Castaneda calls, looking into seeing.
While a dramatic event unfolds, there can only be looking.
In surprise, in awe, in indignation and in amazement.
Too busy to control the situation to do more than simply looking.
But when time and separation create distance and neutrality, one can start seeing.

This is a great step forwards because when having an overall picture of how a person really is, to truly see a person, one can decide what place to give that person in the life.
So that it is happy, productive and in balance again.



Dawn Pier said...

Psychological studies have demonstrated that our memories are notoriously unreliable and tainted by our subjective participation at the time of the event. Only truly enlightened beings are capable of the neutrality you speak of. By reliving unpleasant events, we often remember the remembering and, like the telephone game, the memory if the event is changed little by little until finally it no longer is an accurate recollection of what really happened. We are only capable of knowing what is in our own hearts and until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes can we presume to know what is in their heart.

Dawn Pier said...

I should add that time does however give us the distance to "see," as Castaneda puts it, events with greater detachment (neutrality as you suggest is impossible unless you are Mr. Spock). It is detachment that gives us greater perspective, but we must always be mindful of the unreliability of our memories, particularly in charged, emotional situations.