Sunday, March 18, 2007

Lack of love 3

In the posting “Lack of love 2” it was promised that there would be a return to the subject of lack of parental love.
And more particularly to the subject of lack of parental love and sublimation.

Nobody can predict whether a person who lacked parental love will be able to overcome this issue in a positive and constructive way.
Some do, many don’t.
In the psychoanalytic theory it is believed that the ones who do overcome achieve this by following their instinctual impulses.
That is very fortunate because a research published in “Psychology and Aging”, a journal of the American Psychological Association (APA), shows that persons having lacked parental love will suffer all their lives with increased adult depression and chronic health problems.

It is therefore vital for persons having lacked parental love to recognise and respect their instincts.
To have them integrated in the process of thinking, of the decision-making and of the experience of emotions.

This can subsequently lead to sublimation.
To divert or modify the lack of parental love into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity.

How can someone integrate instincts?

First of all it will be necessary to discover one’s instincts.
We are not used to recognise and listen to our instincts.
The way to become aware of our instincts is through meditation.
This is not hocus-pocus at all but a simple daily exercise of creating silence and observe thoughts come and go.
Result is that the level of awareness rises until it reaches a point where instincts can be recognised.

Second step is to develop a relationship with the instincts.
Also here, awareness of a high level is necessary.
In situations a decision needs to be made the mind pushes itself immediately and unasked to the forefront and from rationality an answer is presented.
That is the mind.
The intellect.
Someone experienced in meditation gives room to the mind to offer its suggestion for the decision to make but not necessarily follows it up.
Experienced in meditation the time and peace is created to feel what is beyond what the mind is presenting.
There we find what the instincts have to suggest.
Often the instincts have a much better suggestion to make.

Meditation is the key.

And we should learn to meditate at a young age.
A University of Michigan study showed that in a Detroit middle school, where teachers and students practised two ten-minute meditation sessions per day, not only stress was reduced, but it promoted emotional stability as well.
There was less verbal aggression, anxiety and loneliness.

Once a person has learned to meditate, preferably at a young age, a major issue like lack of parental love does not need to be destructive.
It can become an experience in life that can bring a person to a more elevated state of being human.

To learn more about meditation in schools, read the book:
“Meditation in schools: Calmer Classrooms” by Clive Erricker & Jane Erricker.
Published by Continuum, ISBN 0-8264-4976-X

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